Why are adults so irritated our manner of dress, our hair!

This question is answered by a sociologist, PhD Marina Harutyunyan.

The hair, painted in different colors, too long hair or complete absence, the boys have earrings, jacket and gloves in the rivets - all this is hidden or obvious irritation in adults.

I admit, sometimes you want to "pounce" on tastelessness, the colorful, outrageous fashions. But let's just try to figure it out.

Our attitudes, beliefs, what is good and bad, are formed in youth. And adults are within those units, they were asked thirty years ago. But today's young people do not take these plants are struggling with them. And this is natural.

For example, my generation is addicted to the music of "The Beatles", we wore long hair. Now young people in a fashion different haircut, many people love to listen to "heavy metal". And we are, oddly enough, causing irritation. When we see in their children something completely different (and so usually the case), we call out to him: "You do not know what is good and bad, as we know, and now you'll ..."

While these differences do not do not worry - the normal generational change. And the severity, the degree of conflict, of course, depend on the understanding of the situation, tact, politeness on both sides.

Moreover, if one generation repeated the other, the development would stop. Although the role of youth in social development course is great, but there is also a risk that will be consigned to oblivion the experience of older generations, swept away by the enduring classic values. It is no accident slogan exclusion of young people are actively using fascism. Used by those who know little, but that is not afraid to "walk well", sweeping away everything in its path, rejecting a doubt he is right, destroying his opponents are not morally (it's not easy), and physically.

Youth - is a huge energy. But you can call on the great, and terrible things. Broken benches, stones thrown at the windows of a train, the inscriptions stained fences, phone booths warped, savage fighting sports "fans" - in fact it exists.

Motives, reasons for misunderstanding, confrontation between adults and children are complex. It is also the fact that adolescence is "emancipation", "autonomy", "care" from their parents. A young child perceives them as "gods", he is helpless, totally dependent on them, of their will. Only they (not he!) Know, decide what you can do that can not be that good, that bad. And while the child grows, parents are not going to give up his role: to rule, leaving only the right of the child to obey without a murmur. And "suddenly" a reaction "of rejection from their parents. Not suddenly, of course, but my parents tried not to notice this gradual, incremental process. When a child is 13, 14, 15 years, the conflict of "care" of parental care in full swing, comes his "rush hour" (for girls is characterized by a later stage, for boys - early). Kids say: we are adults. But the psychological resources, material and even more to be older, a little. Then come to the aid of a way to "peer group". It was during this period, hairstyle, dress code for teens play a huge role.

In general, what clothes? The apron was a symbol of the profession a bricklayer, then became a sign of belonging to a Masonic lodge. And the hair, clothes, manner of walking, talking - are also symbols. At any age. For example, thirty women, preferring to "youth" style, wearing jeans, a sports jacket, sneakers. Her contemporary, which will put "English" clothes, identify themselves as "respectable" people, underlines their status in society. Especially important is indoor clothing. Bathrobe "speaks" for his mistress: I am - a mother and wife, it is important, jeans: I first of all a young woman. Moreover, adults often mix styles: in the morning - a formal suit, evening - a pair of jeans.

In adolescents differently. They choose the style depending on the group that they belong to: long hair and jeans hippie hats and scarves, fans, metal rivets and chains ...

And it's not just clothing, hair, unusual gloves, badges ... This code, password, mark "a", "alien". These sharp distinctions are necessary because the relationship between the two groups are often aggressive and recognize "their" and "alien" should be instantly and accurately. Although these associations are called informal, but it's kind of clear-cut uniforms, some "uniforms" of its own and the enemy "armies."

When parents feel a "departure" of the child, they are painfully his rapprochement with the group that it takes up more space and a child's life than they - the parents. And sometimes it really does not matter where the child goes, be it technical group, or theatrical studio - most important is the fact that he takes from his parents. They were in such a situation may be sorry.

There is one more observation. As one teenager said: useless to quarrel with their parents - will still have to put up with. That is to say, children and parents of different "weight categories". Parents, unfortunately, often use their "power" as a means of blackmail: you buy a moped, a tape recorder ... and for this you have a haircut, "as the position but" ... Here it is - evil, "for it ..."

Teenager should be allowed to fine, of course survive this period of "exclusion" from the parents. After 10 years, he, by his own will be wearing a formal suit and a neat haircut. Now a teenager is more important, as it includes those of his peers, not parents.

We must remember that our children are formed in a different world. And now the world is changing faster than at any other time. But they are not only our children, they and the children of his time.

Adolescents have a need to "reveal" their world, to attract attention. Dressed in something bright and catchy. This is normal and natural. There will come a time, and there will be no need for this. All in good time!

I think the 14-15 - and especially 16-17-year-olds should be enough tact and understanding of the complexity of the situation. And teens should not only demand but also to try to understand adults. This is a must! And the more complex, deeper spiritual and intellectual world of the child, the more tolerant it is easier to idet.na. That does not mean that he is "slave" of his parents that he was degraded, crushed. Simply, he is able to understand others.

How to get acquainted with the person who you like!

To learn how to overcome the barrier of indecision as to get acquainted with the pleasant man, talking journalist Yuri Rogozin and Ph.D. in Psychology Arkady Egides.

- Judging by readers' letters, meeting can be called one of the most tricky problems of communication. It's about familiarity boys and girls. The desire to expand the circle of friends is natural for humans, but not all, by their nature are obtained. Recently, a club shall be held in the evening for the young and for those who are older, where they teach people to communicate. However, because, there is another way - to learn how to make contact with strangers in any situation. Here are many tormented by the question: Does a moral to meet in the park, in the subway? No sign of it being so?

American poet Whitman in one of his poems, he wrote: "The first passer-by, if you want to come and speak to me, why do not you come and talk to me?" And he's absolutely right! However, there is a perception that acquaintance in a random environment is worse than dating in the workplace or "residence", precisely because it is random and the person we know little.

- But no one bothers to know someone in a movie or a show, get to know each other deeper. As for the notion of chance, then surely at work in your home may be random people who are not close to you in spirit.

- But why is it so difficult to learn without assistance, even to people contact is enough? ..

- As a rule, young people are afraid of rejection, which hurt the ego. In addition, if it occurs before the eyes of others, to experience it even harder. Here, by the way, there is the important question of ethics and etiquette of failure.

Here she led the shoulder, lifted her nose, and said coldly: "Empty, futile effort ..." But it is possible that itself would be in a situation when it is with regret and hope to see a young man who approaches her, but does not fit her because he already had a negative experience. Now he will measure seven times and never cut off. Is it hard to really say that under other circumstances would you willingly met, but now - "ce la vie" - you will find your young people. And do not be crushed by bitterness, vanity, or obsessive harassment.

Sometimes people seem to like him in appearance, but so clumsily invites dialogue that puts you in an awkward position in front of others. Should I just give in reflex to deny the request? He's probably shy, did not pass yourself on the porosity-filling inability. However, because the inexperienced does not mean bad. Maybe this is awkward, and it is nice. Well, help him! Talk a little bit. Tell me doubtfully, "Yes? You feel comfortable in casual dating situation? Well, let's talk. And what goes in our cinema? "And further conversation can show: in front of you an interesting person. On why should refuse to contact?

- Sometimes a young man trying to make the acquaintance by simply breaking the ban: "Let the surrounding be condemned, even if it fails, you still will not give up! .."

- Yes, the insolence sometimes helps, but it still is not worth cultivating. But giving up is really not necessary. No need to pay attention to others, looked at you in all eyes, even look. Well, is it? If you do not like, sorry. The main thing - to his "no surrender" to make a subtle skill to start a conversation on the topic, "permitted" between strangers.

- What is this topic?

- Always offer assistance as appropriate, if only people in it just a little interested. Here she pulls out a coin from her purse to buy a ticket. Do not wait until someone asks for it - drag the hand, do not pass, and tear off a ticket for yourself. This service will always be favorably received, and because it is an occasion for conversation. The phrase "Let the ticket will be happy, even if the amount does not match the notorious figures" will smile, and then we can ask anything about the bus route or a movie at the cinema, flashing by outside the window.

Justified and requested assistance. Difficult for you to navigate the subway, trolley route, you do not know whether to watch this theatrical production. Refusal of contact on this subject can be perceived as any discourtesy. A person who is inclined to meet you, answer your questions and will provide all possible assistance with joy.

- In these psychological techniques is important not to forget one point: the conversation should not be sverhkratkim, otherwise it is difficult to continue.

- Of course! "What time is it?" - "Five minutes past four." And then - a painful silence. If so, let us say, to use the theme of time, then let your will be broken clock that is slow, then slow. You show them and ask: "Is it possible to specify in your e-chronometer? With the clock I have a complex relationship: I am getting them, then they let me sum up. " Or, ask about the tricky route, you will find dullness, and even ask to draw a diagram.

The essence of the reception that during these few questions and answers are exchanged, not only business information but also emotional. If you responded formally to shake off, then maybe you should not try to strike up a contact, although it may be a mask. Self-confident people will try, even in conditions of "no smile" to continue the conversation. And, if she had smiled and assistance is provided with the hunting, tells how to drive, with the details, then there can be bolder. The conversation immediately transferred to another topic that should be provided in advance, for example, in exhibition, a new movie, is it worth going? And then, with the film - the director, a director - the writer, based on the book which made the film. Found a common interest. And here you have agreed to exchange for reading books, and, consequently, telephones, agreed to meet.

This coming into contact feasibly not only for youth as an initiator, but also for girls. And even exchanged phone numbers, it has to offer. So what? After all, it is of interest to both business! But, of course, the conversation can be continued only when the man himself is interesting, informative. That means we need to read more books, the critical literature on films, theater productions, to be aware of the cultural life of the country and their city.

Incidentally, the paradoxical fact: it is easier to meet when you go not near, and towards each other. Time to settle the question, Does your circle of people here, however, is limited: he (she) is rapidly approaching. However, this rapid diagnosis is not too late to hold and in the process has already started the conversation. But there will be less, "observers".

And here is another picture: an almost empty train or subway car. How to sit down to people entering into it? Everyone tries to take a separate "compartment", but not to feel like the owner of "apparta-ments," and so, God forbid, do not think that it is imposed. But here is a man, and sought for "kinder person" who could ask for - and this is it - sits nearby, wondered whether the train stops in Lyubertsy, or how many stops to "Mayakovsky." Well, if it is with humor, then: "How far is Wellington, Miss?" She answers, smiling. Then it is foolish and indecent, even to go away and sit down at a distance. And so it continues to read the book, and he pulls out a crossword puzzle. The interest surrounding them has disappeared. And they will hold a conversation. "Difficult Crossword got two words I can not guess. Since you advised me to transport problems, and help me here ... "And then - a question about a book she is reading. "Oh, Astafiev," last bow "? And reading "The Master and Margarita"? No! What luck, I can give it to you! .. "

Or: "Girl, do you have" kopeck piece "? - Bewildered look in his hand - a handful of little things, you iterate through her eyes before the turn (and where exactly there is no "kopeck piece": they are hidden in advance). And then she, even if she has no "kopeck piece," but is of interest to you, offers a bounty on their dime. "Oh, thank you, but I also now your debtor! Then let us tomorrow at the same place I'll return to you, and three thousand percent, I'll owe you, we go to the movies! "

- This refers to a situation where a young man meets a woman for him is the right of initiative. And how to be a girl? Wait?

- Well, why do we have in fact equality. Let's say you are - a girl, choose a gift shop and the Pope "did not understand that man needs." And, consulting with his girlfriend, saying aloud: "And do not ask whether someone competent?" And, "looked for a good person," stop your choice on who already have noticed before.

The girl, if the first contact for the initiative it does not necessarily advocate and initiator of the exchange of phone numbers. If he likes her, he himself osmeleet and ask about it. We need to help him create a psychologically comfortable conversation atmosphere.

Do not think that will do without failures. We must be ready for them.

If the apparent lack of obvious interest, nice smile, thanking you for your attention, go ahead. If a person is not polite, express surprise. Sorry, you will get rid of an awkward situation. Do not worry. There will be another case, more successful. Have you significantly increase the probability of its occurrence.

Think not only about themselves. Contact with this young man you expected only friendly, but who knows, maybe it will be your future husband, girlfriend, with whom he was introduced to you later. Generosity and breadth will give you strength and freedom in action.

Train just to get in touch, even without the extension, let there be more than friends. After all, friends may eventually become friends.

It is necessary that you are not dependent on the element of chance, but the element of chance was subject to your will ...

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